To highlight the essence of this topic, I’m first turning to the film Eat Pray Love. If you’ve been anywhere near social media, you know there are plenty of memes going around about COVID-19, working from home (#WFH), and watching lots of tv and movies. I’m a huge fan of referencing tv and movies in therapy, because oftentimes these fictional narratives allow us a chance to see relationships, emotions, and conflict play out in ways that relate to exactly what we might be talking about that day. Check out this clip (really just the first 30 seconds) and keep reading to unpack my thoughts! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ojsvc_KsDY

Whether it be a romantic relationship, a family member, friend, or even an intangible relationship like missing a place or time of your life, it can be challenging to let go of something you’ve loved. I have read that the current global pandemic is even triggering feelings of grief for many.  This could be because the fear of losing loved ones to the virus triggers grief from other losses. You may feel grief as it relates to losing parts of your lifestyle that are important to you such as a job, socializing, or going to class.  You may have been looking forward to experiences this spring that are no longer happening.  

It can be hard to miss someone or something, and we may not have ever been taught how to navigate that process.  You might feel a combination of anger and love, or frustration that you are having a hard time letting go. You may be disappointed, resentful, or scared of moving forward. You may have been taught messages like, “you’re better off without them” or “you only need time, “ or “it’s for the best.”  These messages may or may not be true for you, but can inadvertently teach you that you shouldn’t feel what you are feeling. For example, you might feel like if you are in a new relationship that it would be wrong to miss someone from your past, or that it means something is amiss in your current relationship. You may have internalized the idea that there is “no point” in feeling the sadness of the loss, or even that it is selfish to not be able to let go. 

While I can’t change the way you are emotionally responding to thinking of someone or something from your past or grieving lost experiences, I can offer a few tips on how to move through and honor your feelings. Part of the work in therapy is learning to honor all parts of yourself, which may bring up painful feelings in the short term but can reduce symptoms of anxiety and inner turmoil in the long term.

There are a few options of how to use the steps below. Feel free to simply read and reflect, journal, or read through and then close your eyes and visualize the steps below. I recommend getting comfortable and setting a soothing environment. This means making sure you’ve had enough to eat, maybe have water or tea nearby, are warm enough, and have a quiet and private space. You can even light a candle or incense if it helps you get in the zone!

1. Think of a person, place, or time in your life from your past that often feels present in your current life. You often find yourself thinking of this part of your past, even if you don’t understand why. Alternatively, you can think about something you were hoping would happen that may be canceled or postponed. 

2. Notice what words first come to mind.  Do your best to simply acknowledge what first comes to mind without judgment. 

3. Approach these feelings with grace and compassion. All feelings are okay- rage, hate, love, longing, confusion, etc. 

4. Choose one feeling and take note of where this feeling feels present in your body. For example, do you feel love in your heart, sadness in your throat? Take a few deep breaths, focusing on bringing fresh oxygen into that part of your body. 

5. Take note of how this feeling shifts with each deep breath. Does it change in intensity, location? If you could imagine this feeling as a color, what color would it be?

6. Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, imagine sending the energy of the feeling into the ground through your feet. Imagine the earth absorbing the excess energy. Remember that the earth is strong and can handle this energy.

7. Next, imagine a white light coming down from above your head and covering your entire body. Take your time visualizing the white light covering your head, shoulders, chest, arms, hands, stomach, legs, and feet. 

8. When you’re ready, think again of the person, place, or experience that you started this exercise with. If you experience strong feelings again, repeat steps 3-6. You can repeat this process as many times as you need to. 

9. Finally, imagine sharing the white light with this person (or whatever you’ve chosen for this exercise). Imagine sending them this white light of love and peace. If it feels right, imagine the white light covering each part of them just as you did for yourself. Another option is to imagine handing them a ball of white light. Remember that love is an infinite resource, and sending them love and light never takes away from your own light. 

Take a moment to notice any shifts in your body that have come from this visualization. Remind yourself that it’s ok to still have challenging feelings, and of course reach out for support as needed!