Have you ever received a “happy holidays/birthday/new year/etc.” text from an ex? Have you ever noticed that an ex has started viewing or replying to your Instagram stories? Or maybe you spend some time catching up and remember what brought you together in the first place. These interactions might feel really good, and they might also feel really confusing. Let’s explore some rough guidelines on how to decide if you’re ready and willing to forge a friendship with an ex and how to set the friendship up for success. 

You might be ready for a friendship with an ex if… 

Home makeover shows capture our attention for many reasons, but at the heart of it, we all want to feel like we have a strong home base. Our spaces might not be mirror images of consumer-driven Pinterest boards, but it’s essential that they feel like us. When we tap into our five senses, our home spaces should meet our needs and soothe our nervous systems in every category. That is to say, it should look, feel, smell, taste, and sound like safety, warmth, and connection to our truest sense of self.

We are living beings wired to interact with the stimuli around us. Similarly to how we can co-regulate our nervous system with the people around us, we can also rely on stimuli from the place we inhabit. The more we can practice feeling a sense of inner peace by regulating with a comforting environment, the better equipped we will be to feel at home when we are put in more challenging spaces.

There is honor and dignity in holding both the shadow and the light

Earlier this week, I posted on Instagram about how much I appreciate the ability to show up as a therapist in private practice as my whole self. I feel a greater sense of agency in the process of setting my boundaries, which are firmer in some areas of my practice now and more flexible in other areas.  I am enjoying the increased transparency around my personal subjectivity. This week I dropped off my ballot and voted for Biden Harris. This weekend I will be honoring Día de los Muertos. Both of these parts of my personal subjectivity matter in my work with clients. Both of these personal facts influence the perspective I bring with me into the therapeutic process.